Neon

10

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Neon

“I’ve always wanted to go to Bora Bora.” Aunt Gertie patted her only niece’s hand as the plane descended towards the tropical paradise.

“Me too, just not under these circumstances. I hope this cure for your Alzheimer’s works.” Edith squeezed her eighty-year-old aunt’s hand and stared out the window at the beautiful, blue-green waters of Bora Bora. Tiny tiki huts scattered the water just a few hundred feet off the coast line.

“Are we staying in one of those tiki huts, like in the brochures?” Gertie asked.

“I don’t think so. Those are for the tourists. We’re staying with a local couple who specialize in the treatment.”

“The Neon Cure?”

“Yes, Aunt Gertie, the Neon Cure.” Relief washed over Edith. Relief that her aunt’s memory remained intact during their flight, and relief that her Alzheimer’s/dementia would soon be a distant nightmare. She’d read about the Neon Cure on the internet. The treatment was 99% effective but could only be done in Bora Bora. That’s where neon leeches lived—the only place on earth. But they couldn’t be transported to the United States.

The Uber driver dropped them off at their destination—a bungalow on the beach.

“Here we are.” Edith reviewed the Uber driver on her iPhone while he took their luggage out of the trunk.

“Welcome to Bora Bora, home of the Neon Cure. I’m Maria.” A tiny Polynesian woman greeted them. Her bronzed skin and black hair radiated in the sunlight. She spoke with the wisdom of a hundred-year-old, but with few wrinkles, making it difficult to pinpoint her age.

“Thank you so much for having us.” Edith shook Maria’s hand and tried not to think about the staggering $100,000 fee for the treatment—the Neon Cure. But she couldn’t bear to watch another relative succumb to dementia which, unfortunately, proved hereditary. She only hoped that one of her relatives would step up and bring her to Bora Bora for the Neon Cure, when and if her time came.

After settling into their room, which was more like a hospital room than a hotel, Maria presented them with a gazillion forms to sign.

Edith and Gertie signed away without reading anything, but three words jumped out on the last page—RISK OF DEATH!

“Risk of death? What? I thought this treatment was 99% effective? Does the 1% end in death?”

“Oh, don’t worry about that. Lawyers, you understand.” Maria waved her hand nonchalantly.

“But this says, ‘risk of death’ for me? I’m just travelling with my aunt for her treatment.”

“Ah, but you’re the one who has to swim in the ocean to catch the leeches. You don’t have to go deep, and the water is clear. But there are sharks in the ocean, you know.” Maria shrugged, like it was no big deal.

“Why do I have to catch the leeches? What am I paying you all of this money for?” Edith shook her head incredulously.

“Edith, dear. Can you take me to bingo at three?” Aunt Gertie asked in her sweet voice. She remembered her name. But her mind thought she was back in the nursing home which offered bingo every afternoon.

She’s losing it again. I better get this over with. “Fine, I’ll do it for my Aunt Gertie.” Edith signed the forms and crossed her arms like a stubborn child refusing to eat her vegetables.

“Thank you. Now we can begin.”

“How do I go about ‘catching’ these leeches? What do they look like?” Edith asked.

“Well, you don’t exactly ‘catch’ the leeches, they ‘catch’ you,” Maria explained.

“How do they ‘catch’ me? And again, what do they look like?” Edith asked with frustration.

“You swim in the ocean, naked is more effective because more flesh is exposed to the water. In the salt water, the leeches are invisible.”

“Naked? Invisible leeches? How will I know if they latch onto me?” Edith’s tone rang with fear.

“Oh, you’ll know, believe me. You’ll feel it,” Maria said.

“Does it hurt?”

“Immensely. But once you shower in fresh water, the leeches will wash right off and you can see them. They’re beautiful, neon creatures. Mostly pink, but with yellow, green and orange neon markings. They remind me of the caterpillar from Alice In Wonderland.”

“But why me? Why do I have to be the one to catch the leeches?”

“Because you’re a blood relative of the recipient,” Maria said, matter-of-factly.

“Can you walk me down to the cafeteria? Dinner will be served soon and I like to line up early to get my good seat by the window.” Aunt Gertie asked, her mind was back in the nursing home in St. Louis.

I’m doing this for her. I’m doing this for Aunt Gertie. “Fine, let’s get this over with.” Edith stood.

Walking towards the beach naked, save for a towel, Edith avoided the gaze of the perverts who obviously knew they were about to get a show. She’d show them. Her feet hit the brisk, blue-green water. The waves were calm today, and the visibility was amazing. She could see her red-painted toenails on the sandy bottom. Waiting until she was shoulder high in the water, she finally removed her towel and watched it float away in the water. Ha, take that, pervs.

Something struck her right thigh. Excruciating pain flowed through her. Then her left arm, then her stomach, and then her bare bottom. “Ouch, it burns.”

“Fully submerge yourself in the water. The leeches love to hide in hair,” Maria hollered from the shore.

Fine, let’s get this over with. Edith ducked down into the water and closed her eyes. She felt the tiny invisible creatures swarming through her hair. They clung to her body and the pain was unbearable. I’m done, I’ve caught plenty.

Bursting out of the water, naked and screaming, Edith ran towards the shower, just outside of the bungalow, where Maria awaited. She no longer cared that the local perverts stared at her naked breasts, bouncing as she ran on the beach. “Get these things off me, now!”

Maria motioned for Edith to stand in the shower over a blue plastic tarp to catch the creatures.

Edith stood on the tarp as the hot water painfully poured over her body. Once the fresh water hit the leeches, they turned neon pink, just like Maria said they would. Brushing them off her arms, legs, neck, and stomach, relief washed through her as the leeches dropped onto the blue tarp and squirmed.

“A little help please, I can’t reach them all,” Edith pleaded.

“I can’t touch them, only a blood relative can contact the leeches,” Maria explained.

“Argh.” Edith pulled them off one by one. The ones she couldn’t see, she still felt sucking on her blood. “I think I got them all.” Looking down, dozens of neon pink leeches squirmed on the tarp.

Maria placed a glass aquarium filled with water on the tarp and said, “Put the neon leeches in here.”

Nodding, Edith picked up dozens of leeches and plopped them into the aquarium. Blood oozed from each of her wounds, and she screamed. “Argh, I’m bleeding. Am I supposed to bleed like this?”

“I’m afraid so. Now wash with this special soap, then apply peroxide and Neosporin to your wounds. You did good, Miss Edith. That’s the most leeches I’ve ever seen caught by one human before.” Maria studied the leech-filled aquarium like it was a pot of gold.

“Don’t you have medical personnel to tend to my wounds?” Edith hollered with frustration.

“Sorry, you’ll have to tend to your own wounds. We can’t risk infection. It’s in the liability waiver that you signed.”

“Fine, this better work.” Edith washed her body with the special soap. The smell of antiseptic filled her nostrils, and she sneezed. After drying off with a fluffy towel, she dabbed peroxide-filled cotton balls onto her wounds. It burned her flesh. Welts swelled on her wounds where the leeches had attached. She applied tons of Neosporin to heal her bloody, swollen leech wounds.

Donning the soft, pink robe and fluffy slippers, Edith walked towards the bungalow. Her legs ached, and her stomach rumbled. Kneeling, she vomited on the white sand. A local boy dug up the vomit-filled sand pile, then placed it into a bucket before scurrying off like he risked infection.

Standing, she wobbled towards the bungalow and passed out on the doorstep. Maria hunched over Edith’s unconscious body. Edith opened her eyes, and Maria’s face appeared above her. “Bring her in, she’s infected with the neon virus.”

Two orderlies wearing surgical masks and gloves carried her inside. They passed a room with dozens of glass aquariums varying in size. Some held small neon leeches, like the ones she’d just caught to cure Aunt Gertie. But some of the tanks were huge and filled with neon leeches the size of a human.

“That’s our treasure trove of neon leeches. The full-grown ones are priceless. The pharmaceutical companies buy them for $15,000 an ounce. They use them in chemotherapy for cancer patients.” One orderly said to Edith. “You made us a fortune today with all of those baby leeches. Not that you’ll remember any of this.”

Horror filled Edith, and she vomited again.

“You’re burning up, Miss. It’s the neon fever kicking in. We’ll get some antibiotics into your system and start an IV to hydrate you. But you’re in for a rough couple of days. If you make it that long,” one orderly said.

“Shhhh, you talk too much,” the other orderly scolded.

After what felt like an eternity of fever-induced dreams and severe vomiting, Edith woke up with Maria smiling over her bed.

“I have wonderful news. Your Aunt Gertie is cured, all thanks to you. She’ll be going back home to St. Louis, good as new. But as for you, I’m afraid the leeches infected you with an incurable virus. We can’t send you back home. We can’t even bury or burn your body or the virus will spread. I’m afraid we’ll have to feed you to the leeches. It’s in all the paperwork that you didn’t bother to read.”

* * * *

Gertie disembarked the plane at Lambert Airport in St. Louis and was greeted by her adorable granddaughter.

“Grandma! You’re back. Did the Neon Cure work? Are you better now?” Judy asked.

“Yes, my dear. I’m cured. Now I’ll remember who you are and where I am.” Gertie smiled.

“What happened to Edith? I thought she went to Bora Bora with you?” Judy asked.

“Who’s Edith?” Gertie asked.