Potassium

19

K

[Ar]4s¹

Potassium

“Got another one coming in,” Don told his son, Donny. He hung up the phone and studied the ceiling of his family-owned funeral home.

“When it rains it pours. Hopefully it won’t come in threes.”

“This second one is tragic, too. Some super fit jogger died of a disease known as hypokalemia.”

“What in tarnation is that, Dad?” Donny asked with a thick, Southern accent.

“She drank too much water when she trained for the Boston Marathon. Her body was deficient in potassium. She was only forty.”

Donny dropped his head and shook it solemnly. “So sad. When is this funeral scheduled?” he asked. Although more deaths equated more money for the family business, it was sad that another family suffered the death of a loved one.

“Viewing is Saturday from 3 to 8, and the funeral service before the burial starts at 11 a.m. on Sunday.” Donny stared at books as he worked out the tight logistics of back-to-back funerals.

“That’s tight with the other visitation on Friday night and the funeral on Saturday morning,” Donny said.

“Yeah, but the first one is just a simple cremation.” Don reminded his son.

“Oh, yeah. The firework explosion. Poor woman helped her husband, who was too drunk, to ignite the fireworks. He got mad at her for doing his job and accidentally blew her up because he was too drunk to do the job safely.”

“Don’t fireworks contain potassium, too?” Donny asked.

“I have no idea.”

“That’s what we learned in chemistry,” Donny boasted.

“And that’s why you’re going to college so you’re not stuck in the family business like me.”

“Yes, sir.”

“But until then, I really need your help. We’ve got two bodies coming in. One needs cremating, and the other needs embalming and prepping for the viewing.”

“Don’t worry, Dad. I got this. You just deal with the family and the rest of the arrangements.”

“Thanks, Son.”

Donny and his father turned their heads at the sound of a vehicle pulling up. “That was fast.”

“All right, first one is here. Go ahead and get this one cremated so you can start embalming the jogger when she gets here.”

“Got it, Dad. You meet with the family.” Donny went to the back of the van to help the driver get the body inside.

After the delivery guy left, Donny removed the body from the body bag and studied it. “Huh, you don’t look like you died in a fireworks explosion.” Donny always talked to the corpses. It made his job easier. He fired up the furnace and placed the body inside. He walked into the other room and retrieved the gold-plated urn that the family had selected earlier. He’d be ready to scoop the ashes into it. Then he could embalm the jogger when she arrived.

Walking back to the furnace, Donny turned his head at the sound of another van pulling up to the back of the funeral home.

That was quick. Must be the jogger.

He popped his head into the lobby and noticed his father consoling the loved one of the first body. “I’ll handle the delivery, Dad.”

Donny met the driver outside.

“Busy today, aren’t ya?”

“Yep, back-to-back funerals.”

“I wouldn’t even look at this one, just put her straight into the furnace for cremation.”

“Wait, what?”

“Her body is hardly recognizable from the fireworks explosion. Poor thing.” The driver shook his head, obviously saddened by the tragic loss.

“Wait, this isn’t the jogger? That must mean…” Donny cried. The realization sank in—he’d cremated the wrong body!